Today I woke up with an avalanche of thoughts about my relationship with social media. I always feel like there are things that unnecessarily disturb my mind, and it's something I need to manage intelligently so as not to overload my brain with stress, something that has already cost me dearly in previous years.
While it's been helpful and interesting to read and observe autistic people on social media, things get tiresome when "autism" starts to get mixed up with other topics that don't interest me or even disgust me. And it's not that I'm afraid of anyone; rather, I take care not to end up becoming aggressive and intolerant. This isn't because I care about people; in fact, I care very little about them, as I don't have the hypocritical political correctness that most people on social media have. Life is what it is; there's no need to sugarcoat or romanticize it. No one is going to change or improve this shitty world we live in, and I have no intention of making any effort in that regard.
If you want, you can call it the "cognitive rigidity" of autism, or that I'm intolerant, or perhaps you'd rather call me a "fascist," as many people call anything or anyone they don't like or who doesn't kiss their ass and support their absurd beliefs. I don't care; I don't need anyone to love me or approve of my existence.
Specifically, I've decided to stop following the autism groups I used to follow, which were interesting but were getting tiresome with absurd people. I'll continue, perhaps, some hashtags or specific people who don't rave about absurd ideologies or beliefs and share interesting experiences. You can't imagine how difficult it is sometimes to feel like I'm miserably wasting my time reading the childish arguments of gray-haired adults.
I'm autistic, not very sociable, not very tolerant, and I am not, nor will I ever be, an activist or militant for any unconscious gang.
Bye... 
#autism
In the latest edition of the Skinny I took advantage of the two day Easter truce with reality the Trump regime undertook to catch up on a couple of stories that had fallen by the wayside. Talking Climate Crisis, ideological purges in Trump's federal government, and why RFK Jr is starting to scare the heck out of me.
https://www.ninaillingworth.com/2025/04/23/the-skinny-stop-and-breathe/2/
The Skinny: Stop and Breathe
"It is shockingly disingenuous and absurd for the Trump regime to argue that regulations on air quality, fossil fuel production, environmental pollution control, and nuclear fucking waste are “contrary to the public interest.” Unfortunately that really doesn’t matter because once again it’s clear that the public interest was never the point of the president’s order. The crass level of corruption and self-serving exercise of power the Klepto Kaiser regularly partakes in makes it obvious that this is all just a way to reward his capitalist donors; without having to tolerate pushback from a public that cares very much about clean air to breath, clean water to drink, and a world on fire. Fascist is as fascist does I guess."
(If he were truly convinced that paying taxes is an indicator of a citizen's usefulness to society, the thing RFK jr should want to prevent isn't #autism but the billionaire class.)
I have #autism and can be very shy around new people and friends. Please be welcoming and patient with me as I try to better understand these ideas and connect with the local community here in #Bergen, #Norway.
I want to learn and get involved, but sometimes my autism makes social situations challenging. Your support will help me feel more comfortable and confident in exploring these ideas together.
After watching Robert F. Kennedy Jr. spout ableism and eugenic theory on live TV while lying about and dehumanizing folks with autism, I'm alarmed that the story here appears to be "wow RFK Jr is a total crank" What it should be is that everything about RFK Jr’s sham HHS study into the “causes” of autism is a reactionary eugenicist nightmare that threatens the health & lives of autistic people, particular children.
https://www.ninaillingworth.com/2025/04/18/nina-bytes-kennedy-conspiracies-and-kids/
Nina-Bytes: Kennedy, Conspiracies, and Kids
"Reading this piece, two things immediately sprung to mind. First, I wouldn’t let Robert F. Kennedy Jr within ten feet of any child whatsoever if I had the ability to prevent it. Secondly; are we sure putting RFK Jr. in charge of Health and Human Services isn’t just a way to let some sadistic eugenicist freaks torture autistic children and profit from it? Because from out here, it sure does seem like that’s Kennedy’s plan and the reason for his department’s “massive testing and research” effort. I’m not a scientist, but somehow I doubt that conspiracy crank Kennedy and a fake doctor whose family business is apparently torturing children have the best interests of autistic Americans at heart; particularly when Kennedy is openly promoting the eugenicist idea that autism is an “epidemic” that is “destroying our children.”
Here's your reminder that RFK jr. is an eugenicist who considers autistic or disabled children a net burden to the tax payer and says their existence should be "prevented".
He considers deaths that are easily avoidable through vaccines a sad, but necessary culling to "make America healthy again".
RFK jr. voluntarily joined a fascist administration to further his plans of purifying the precious bodily fluids. He saw children die based on his ideas and now wants to see more die under his watch.
Everything he says about #vaccines and #autism should be seen through this lens.
...one that suites what I now know how my brain works - so that my #adhd and #autism isn't triggered in bad ways, instead something that helps me better take advantage of the positives - the #superpowers - those two also gives me.
I subscribe on many great open sorcerers on YouTube. One of them #ThePrimeagen https://www.youtube.com/@ThePrimeagen - So while slowly rebuilding my #nerdmachine from the terminal...
When I walk to work, I often see things that aren't really there. I imagine people living in an anarcho-syndicalist comune, working together and helping each other out. It's like they're building a better world right in front of me.
It's pretty cool to see how my brain fills in the gaps between what is and what could be. But it's also a reminder of how far we still have to go. The world around us can feel really broken and unfair, but those visions give me hope.
I guess it's not weird to dream about a better future, especially when the present can be tough. But it's nice to know I'm not the only one who sees things this way.
Pinned Thread
What I find fascinating as an autistic person is how often I envision an anarcho-syndicalist society. Every day, I imagine a world built on freedom, solidarity, and mutual aid, a society where people are empowered to live with dignity and autonomy.
Yet, when I look around me, I see the overwhelming reality of the system I’ve been suppressed by for nearly 25 years. It’s a system that feels broken, unjust, and dehumanizing, a constant reminder of the garbage we’re forced to endure.
A word to those of you who might be new, or thinking about following me.
Whilst this place obviously runs on algorithms, it doesn't have one to push content onto your timeline. To this end, this place is all about being active. You have to go out and find the content you want. In terms of following the accounts of those whose posts you want to see and also in terms of following the various hashtags that interest you. There are also groups, who solely boost anything posted that tags them, such as @actuallyautistic a group for all autistics and even those who think they might be and not just those officially diagnosed. Follow enough of these things and your timeline can quickly fill, with all that interests you.
However, this is an ongoing process. People come and go. The nature of what they post might vary and no longer interest you. For this reason, unfollowing someone is not a cardinal sin here. Unlike other places, where how many people following you determines your reach, here it really doesn't do anything. Other than affect the quality of your engagement and how many boosts, which do determine reach, and favourites any given post of yours may have.
There are also, always, new people you might want to follow. Or new hashtags that you become aware of that interest you. In fact, over time, you can quite easily end up with an unmanageable timeline. Learning how to use lists, can help you here, separating your various interests into more manageable chunks. You can also hide the boosts of anyone you follow, so that you only see their posts, but not the huge amount of other stuff they might be prone to boosting. But, even with these things, there may come a time when you realise that something has to give and that you can't follow everything. Or, that what you are following is not quite right and that you may need to refresh everything with new follows.
It is, as I said, an ongoing and active process being on here. Both of weeding out the old, or unwanted, and in tending the new. It therefore requires an amount of constant work that puts some people off this place, but which, for most of us, is the beauty of it, once you get the hang of it.
To that end, I therefore do not automatically follow back everyone who follows me. It may be a trick people have learnt in other places and even considered good behaviour because of that. But, as I've explained, it doesn't do much here, where it's all about managing and curating your own timeline. So, if I don't follow back, please don't take offence. I, almost exclusively, wander the #autism spaces and simply like my timeline filled accordingly.
I just submitted my television series to PBS kids!!! Wish me luck friends! https://www.graciegato.com/adams-world #television #autism #autismawareness
Hey there fellow autists! There's a really nice and supportive #International #Autistic #Matrix group I think you should check out: https://matrix.to/#/!MDoGEQUzzIUfLrDMwB:matrix.org
just wanted to vent and ask for advice/opportunities:
basically I'm moving soon and it'd help significantly to get some more income... the big problems being I'm autistic with low spoons and my skillset is at a weird intersection (system architecture, UX design, AR/VR, and Rust) where the only jobs I could find that fit the first 3 are at facebook or apple who would rip apart all the projects and eat up all the spoons i've got.
I did find a great job that I was able to do, https://ioc.exchange/@azonenberg/113012322798382346, where because I know UX design and native development and system architecture and all I could help explain and provide examples to copy from to improve the UX! problem is, I just can't seem to find any more opportunities like this. It was low spoons (i can identify UX patterns like this easily and figure out how to practically implement them) and fit into my skillset.
I mean, i've been working on an XR display server (https://github.com/StardustXR/) from scratch with primitives designed to make good UX, even made a declarative UI toolkit and IDL for it and everything but display server knowledge is so utterly niche there's like 20 display servers in the whole world so getting a job for that is laughable and super rare.
I just kinda don't really know what else I can do? regular normie jobs with the commute and all are gonna eat up spoons really fast and so are the more corporate UX design jobs (figma mockups that a separate team of engineers implement is inefficient and difficult on my brain). Anyone have any advice or recommendations or opportunities like this?
I'd love to do UX design consulting as a freelance thing, it's something I'm actually good at and it's rare to find someone who knows good UX and system design and native code in 1 person.
Please give advice or boost for reach!
Hello, caneandable.social! I'm Lanie, a 33-year-old #Christian woman from Pipe Creek, TX. I'm #aroace, #TotallyBlind, #ActuallyAutistic, and living with multiple #ChronicIllnesses. I've just moved over from tweesecake.social, so I'm excited to meet new people and reconnect with familiar faces!
A bit about me:
- I live with my mom and stepdad, who are my caregivers
- I have a Miniature Pinscher named Squeaker
- Currently studying programming on freeCodeCamp.org and codecademy.com and Braille proofreading through the NFB
- I work as a usability tester and aspire to become an #accessibility consultant
- My goal is to create a nonprofit for people with multiple #disabilities
My interests include:
- #Gaming (especially accessible games like incremental/idle games, word games, puzzles, RPGs, roguelikes, and MUDs)
- #Technology and #Cybersecurity
- #RareDiseases and #DisabilityRights
- Reading (sci-fi, fantasy, thrillers, mysteries, and nonfiction)
- Swimming
- Gardening (planning to start soon!)
I'm passionate about #accessibility and creating a more inclusive digital world. I run online groups for people with multiple disabilities and am active in the #DisabilityCommunity.
Some of my #health conditions include occipital neuralgia, intracranial hypertension, Empty Sella Syndrome, fibromyalgia, hidradenitis suppurativa, GERD, gastroparesis, IBS, sleep apnea, migraines, and non-24-hour sleep-wake disorder.
I use various devices to navigate the digital world, including a Windows computer, iPhone, Android tablet, Fire TV, Echo Dot, Apple Watch, wireless headphones, and a Braille display. #AssistiveTechnology
I'm always eager to connect with others who share similar experiences or interests. Feel free to reach out, especially if you're into #AccessibleTech, #DisabilityAdvocacy, or if you just want to chat about books, games, or life with multiple disabilities!
For all those who might be interested. I thought I might share some of the things I learnt whilst realising I was autistic. These may, or may not, apply to you, but I hope someone finds something helpful.
I started upon the path of realising I was autistic by taking one of the tests. But a single test is only indicative. Taking a number of the tests and repeating the results, becomes, of course, ever more indicative. But, in a sense, it is still not proof. Sooner, or later, you have to do the work and look into it properly. The best sources of information are your fellow autistic's and there are numerous excellent books and websites, YouTubers and places like this, where such information can be found.
But, one thing you must always bear in mind, is that there is no such thing as a one size fits all, autism. We are all different from each other, even more so than non-autistics (allistics) tend to be. Think of it like a pick and mix bar. All the various traits and the manifestations of those traits and we all come away from that bar with our own individual bag of goodies. So it's OK to not see yourself in how others describe themselves. It's OK not to experience the difficulties that others might, or even the way that they may see some things as strengths or positives, when to you, they are not. This is normal.
It's also important to bear in mind that we can often not see traits within ourselves, not at first anyway. Sometimes it's because we see them as normal. Perhaps, we've picked them up from parents, or siblings, without realising that they may have been just as much in the dark about being autistic as you were. Sometimes it's because we've become too adept at not seeing them, at masking our own awareness of them from ourselves. It can also be that we don't think we have them, because we're not affected by them. This can often be because, without realising it, we've either carefully arranged our lives not to be, or have gone to great lengths to create the necessary accommodations that enable us to deal with them and just think of those processes as a normal part of our lives now, without taking the step back and thinking about why they are.
The fact that we all can be so different from one another, is also why we sometimes struggle to see ourselves in the official criteria for autism as outlined in the diagnostic manuals. The thing to remember about these, is that they are almost entirely the product of allistics looking in, rather than the experiences of actual autistics. They can also seem too deficit based and you might struggle to see yourselves fitting them because of that. Mostly because as adults we've spent a long time learning how to cope with the problems and also how to avoid them. But, the thing to remember about this, is that an official diagnosis is far more to do with determining how badly you might be affected by being autistic, than it is about whether you are autistic. And, unfortunately, the less experienced an assessor is in dealing with adults, the more this is likely to be the case.
For this reason and many others, self-diagnosis is considered as acceptable as an official-diagnosis to the vast majority of autistics. And, I suppose, this is the final point I want to make. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that this is something that has to be dealt with by the medical community. That it's something that should be diagnosed by a doctor and this is the appropriate route to follow. That only professionals can help you and that they will be the source of any information and guidance you need. Because, after all, for so much else it would be the route and I'm not saying it's not. For many reasons, getting an official diagnosis is often the right path for someone to follow. What I'm saying is that after doing the work, after taking the time to learn and process it all and having come to the point of accepting and realising that you are autistic, that perhaps taking the next step of trying to get an official diagnosis, is no longer required, or needed.
This account had been sitting empty for a year as I didn't have the spoons to restart on the fedi after my old instance went down so this will be my #introduction
I am very lazy so it will just be a list of hashtags c:
#autism #adhd #audhd #neurodivergent #disabled
#trans #queer #asexual #aroace
#tech #FOSS #solarpunk #libre #gamingonlinux #linux #xmonad
#socialist #socialism #anarchist #anarchism #ecosocialism #ecosocialist #nonsectarian #politics #auspol
#plushies #rubiks #linguistics #purple
Welcome to my pinned Hashtag Cornucopia ! A veritable Hashtagapalooza !!
#Autism #Autistic #Scottish #Scotland #HomeAssistant #HomeAutomation #RaspberryPi #Mathematics #Steampunk #Cycling #Biketooter #eBike #London #Sutton #Croydon #CatsOfMastodon #Sci_FI #DoctorWho #Discworld #HHGTTG #Ace #DemiAce #LGBTQIA2S #Humour #Woodworking #Baking #Photography #Travel #Music #Spotify #Eclectic #ukpol #Over50s
aaaaand... I think that's it for now :D A comprehensive list to pin to my profile ;)
@actuallyautistic
I once wrote about how it was not unrealistic, to think that there was no such thing as an un-traumatised autistic. About how so many of us have known bullying and persecution simply for being different. Not even always for what we may have said or done, but often for simply standing out; in all the ways that we didn't even know we were. How just simply being, was so often an excuse to be attacked or punished. That our very existence, even as hard as we tried to mask, whether we knew that was what we were doing or not, was the cause of so much pain.
All the scars we carry from misreading situations. Or from believing in something, or someone, and being burnt as a consequence. All the times we've tried to stand up for ourselves, or as often as not for others, and been dismissed and ridiculed. All the misjudgements and disbelieve and times when our intent and purpose have been seen in the ways that were never, ever, meant. The sheer inability for others to see us as we are, or to judge us accordingly. But, always to seem to want to see the worst and to base everything else on that.
But the more I learn and understand about being autistic. The more I realise that so much of my trauma and the scars that were left, came not just from this overt pain, but from the covert well-meaning of others as well. From my parents and relatives, from friends and teachers. From all the advice and instruction I have received over the years that was meant to shape me in the right way. As a child, to teach me how to grow up, how to behave and act. What was expected and what wasn't. And then, as an adult, how I was supposed to be and how a successful life, with me in it, was supposed to look. All the rules I was supposed to learn, all the codes I was supposed to follow. How to act, how to speak, what to feel, when to feel it. What I was supposed to do and how I was supposed to be.
Not in any unusual way. Not in any way that you weren't supposed to raise a child, well a normal child anyway. That's what makes this so covert. If you were trying to do this to a child knowing that they were autistic, then it's overt abuse. It is ABA, it is infantilising and punishing a child for always failing to become something, that they had no more chance of becoming than a cat has of becoming a dog. But for those of us who didn't know we were autistic. It was simply the constant hammering of the world trying, without even realising it, to fit a round peg into a square hole and all the pain and disappointment that came from their failure to come even close.
For me, what made this worse, was that it wasn't as if I didn't know that I was different, not in my heart, but that I thought that I shouldn't be. That I should be able to learn what I was being taught, that I should be able to follow the guidance. That I wasn't any different really from anyone else and so if I failed to act in the right way, or react the way I should, for that matter, then it was my fault. All the patient sighs and familiar looks, simply became just another reinforcement of my failure. Even being told off for the simplest things, became a reminder that something that I should have been able to do, was beyond me and always for the only reason that ever made any sense; that I was broken, that it was my fault somehow.
Is it any wonder that so much of my life has been about trying to justify myself in the light of this, of trying to become that "good dog". Of judging myself against an impossible standard. A constant lurching from one bad to choice to another, and always because I thought they were the right ones. And for each new failure and inability to even come close, another scar, another reminder of what I wasn't. Further proof that my self-esteem was right to be so low. Of how I was such a failure and a bad person. That I was never going to be a proper son or brother or friend. Because I couldn't even be what I was supposed to be, let alone what I should become.
Looking back, I can't help thinking about how much of my life I spent living this way; of trying not to repeat the sins of my past. Of not repeating the actions or behaviour that led to those past failures and trauma. Of, in fact, all the effort I put in to not being myself. Because that, I realise now, was what I was trying to do. I was that round peg and trying to hammer myself into the square hole. Because everything I had learnt had taught me to think that this was how I had to be. That this was how you grew. And in so many ways, I can't help feeling angry about this. About the wasted years, about the scars I carry that were never my fault. About the way I was brought up, even though none of it was ever meant, but only ever well-meant.
A new instance and a new introduction.
I joined Mastodon in Nov. 2022. I was not of the twitter wave. This was in fact my first ever social media site I ever joined and still the only one that I'm on. It was simply a step on my autism awareness journey and a reaching out to others like me. I cannot express how much I've learnt and grown as a consequence and how much I value this place and all those I have met within it.
For the purpose of clarity and should anyone want to know. I am self-diagnosed and quite content to remain that way. I also hate the term self-diagnosed and much prefer self-realised. For this is a far more accurate and precise way of describing the process of discovery that I went through. Because no one wakes up one morning and just decides that they are autistic. It takes months, or even years in my case, to be able to convince ourselves, often against our own desires and judgement, that we are.
Diagnosis also implies that this is a medical condition and that what I am doing by self-diagnosing is essentially playing doctor, when only an official diagnosis can reveal that truth. Just like it does with most things medical. But autism, at its core, is a neurological difference not a disorder (although some of the things that can come with it most certainly are) and whilst at the moment it is diagnosable, so was being a homosexual once.
Because the harsh truth is that anything that is different from, will almost always be recognised only as a deviation from and a fault with, until it is properly understood and in my own small way, this is what I'm trying to do and to help others to do.
This has been said before, by many people, and far better than I will. But it bears repeating, probably as often as it can be.
Autism is a neurological difference. We think and process differently. We just don't work in the same ways as others. Most of us, growing up, are more than aware of this. But not necessarily why, or to what degree. We just recognise that we are different. But, this isn't exactly something that can be discussed. Often the feeling is nebulous at best, other times it can feel embarrassing and far too personal. But in any case, trying to talk about things like this, especially as children, is never going to be a particularly safe or wise choice.
So instead, we bury the feelings deeply and try to get on with life as best we can. This is normally done through learning to mask and in avoiding as much as possible those situations where our difference is made most noticeable. In fact, many of us get so good at this that we can wander for years, or even decades, through life without ever reaching the understanding that we are autistic.
But when we do reach this stage, it involves a process of coming to terms with it and understanding what it means. It requires months, often years, of research to come to terms with and to overcome the false stereotypes and ableism that many of us carry. This is what is called self-diagnosis and sometimes it is as far as we go. For many of us it is enough, or we have reached a point in our lives where getting an official diagnosis is not worth it. Or even possible. Many systems, whether on purpose or not, make it all but impossible for people over a certain age, or people of colour, or female presenting, to be able to get officially diagnosed. Or it is simply too prohibitively expensive to even try.
It is for this reason that the vast majority of autistic spaces welcome all those who think they are actually autistic, even those that are only just beginning to explore the notion, the self-diagnosed and the officially diagnosed. Because this is all the actually means, that we think we are autistic, as opposed to those who aren't, but who still want to speak on behalf of or about autism. It is also why the actuallyautistic hashtag and @actuallyautistic group are open to us all too, not to divide autistics into those diagnosed and those not. Because that is simply a distinction over the route to the knowledge, not the knowledge itself.